things 2009 Taught Me

Let me begin by saying that I hate learning so this is a hard note to write.Like most years, 2009 came and went very quickly. If you're anything like me, you're too busy to actually stop and make note of the life lessons that you're being taught every single day.That being said, here is a list of things that 2009 taught me, albeit against my will.These observations are in no particular order and some may offend (I aim to appall).

In 2009 I learned that:

Michael Jackson was, in fact, still alive.

The sitcom is, in fact, still alive (Modern Family!!).

If you drink enough Crown Royal it will serve as a cologne the next morning.

30+ days of 110 degree temperatures, and no rain, will drive a man to watch "G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra."

Megan Fox CAN'T act, and I still don't care.

Mariah Carey CAN act, and I still don't care.

America couldn't get enough balloon coverage...but enough about "Keeping Up With the Kardashian's..."

Despite their Sun Bowl win, Oklahoma still sucks.

We have come along way as a country since the 1960's...praise be to God!

Ugly people can sing (I'm looking in your direction Susan Boyle).

Pretty people can't sing (I'm looking in your direction Taylor Swift).

Nobody puts baby in a corner, yet they can put you in a coffin (RIP Patrick).

Fox News still isn't Fair or Balanced.

To date, Tiger Woods has played at least 8 holes.

White people crash the White House, black people get elected.

Oprah is quitting, and I still don't care.

By the time time the 7th Harry Potter movie is released in 2011 it will have to be renamed "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Medicare."

Christian Bale's rant on the set of Terminator: Salvation was actually better than Terminator: Salvation.

David Letterman is getting laid and I'm not.

Facebook updates are just as annoying as they were in 2008 and will be in 2010. I still don't give a shit what you had for lunch.

Sarah Palin can write.

Jay-Z rivaled KISS for the best concert I saw in 2009.

Lady Caca defies all logic.

Kate Gosselin will get half of Jon's hair plugs in the divorce.

A show about a high school Glee club is actually good...praise be to Jane Lynch!

My friends and family are there for me no matter what. I love you all and Happy New Year!!!