Monday, June 01, 2009
 | Anyone that has met me knows that without pop culture references (be they movie, music or television) I am physically unable to carry on a conversation. I shut down quicker than a restaurant that goes in next to the Hula Hut. I'm sorry, but I HAVE to know what is going on in the world. It is for that reason that I subjected myself to the 2009 MTV Movie Awards last night. This morning people were like "What a tragedy..." and I'm like "I know!!! How did Twilight win Best picture?!?!?" To which they responded "Uh, I was talking about the Air France flight that disappeared...what are you 12?" I should have known better. If Lady CaCa, I mean Lady GaGa, had common sense enough to stay away then I should have as well. It was just sad, so let's break it down: Andy Samberg proved that he is at his best when his bits are pre taped. His Slumdog intro and song with Will Ferrell about movie explosions provided the only laughs in my opinion. Jim Carrey has never been less funny. The coat? The hair? the glasses? The awkward interruptions and acceptance speech? The internal monologue had potential until it turned political with a reference to Proposition 8. Jim, these viewers voted Twilight best picture and Ashley Tisdale won an award (based on her dress the next award she'll receive will be an AVN award). I hardly think that the MTV Movie Awards should be used as a political platform. Is this really the same guy that gave us Ace Ventura, Dumb and Dumber and Liar,Liar? Looks like we have Chevy Chase Part Deaux on our hands...sad. Eminem has never seemed more white nor has he ever been more irrelevant. "Who's got the rubbers? " Really? Well, it obviously isn't Mel Gibson so throw him a few would you please. Thank you. Anyone who thinks that Bruno putting his wang in Em's face was not scripted should go back and watch it again. The minute that Bruno was flying over him you could tell he was in on it and that he was acting. Pathetic. Same Old Song and Dance indeed. Now I love Miley Cyrus as much as the next pedophile, but...wow. When she said "I'm on a boat" someone should have said "No, Miley, you're on a stage...at least for the next 15 minutes. Enjoy." Kings of Leon. Sorry, but you just suck out loud and your music will be irrelevant after you tour this album. I'm letting this bandwagon pass me by. Kiefer Sutherland...well, you just scare me. Kristen Stewart. You are a big star now. In fact, when you go to google and type the letters K-R-I-S your name pulls up...fucking dress like it. I wrote about you after "Into the Wild" and said that you'd be a huge star. You've achieved that now don't be an asshole. Rob Pattinson. The only reason I hate you is because, well, you're Rob Pattinson. I'm not going to lie, I did take delight in seeing an Oscar winner sing "Dick in a Box," but incorporating Leann Rimes and Chris Isaak just seemed tired on the producers part. Why not get Rihanna and Chris Brown to do the duet instead? The WTF award? Really? Is it still funny to drop the F Bomb when you know it's going to be bleeped out anyway? Hayden Panettiere had to have been embarrassed to deliver that expletive laced bit. Like we're supposed to be shocked? How were we supposed to respond? "I can't believe she said that! That's soooo funny!" The producers wanted us to believe that she can rap/rhyme/dis? Yeah, she's street. I don't know...I guess my main problem with the show was that it seemed like the Director's Cut of the Kid's Choice Awards to me. It was geared towards 13 year olds yet had swearing, partial nudity and an unfunny bit with a guy repeatedly saying "Suck my golden popcorn dick!" Not funny. However, any awards show that had Zac Efron winning an award for acting had to have involved some sucking... |
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