John Rambo
AKA:
Rambo: To Hell and Back
Ok, so I've only seen 3 minutes and 21 seconds of footage, but I can't seem to get enough of what is sure to be the worst movie of 2008. Sylvester Stallone wrote and directed this latest attempt of him trying to remind the world that at one time in his life he was actually relevant. It's as sad as Al Bundy reminding everyone that at one point he threw 4 touchdowns in one game for Polk High. Now I know what you're thinking "How did the man that wrote Staying Alive, Rhinestone, Cobra and Over the Top create anything less than stellar?"
Although I haven't seen the movie, it's being released by Lionsgate Films on January 25th, there are several trailers of this movie that are floating around online and they are brutal. Just 2 trailers in and yet I feel as if I have seen the entire movie, hence…my review:
It has been 20 years since Rambo took on the entire country of Afghanistan. In that time the Taliban has reformed and no one can find Osama Bin Laden. Come to think of it, it's hard to find John Rambo as he has retreated to northern Thailand (similar to retiring in Florida) where he's running a longboat on the Salween River. Now pay attention class, here is where geography and history mesh together in perfect harmony with aging movie stars on steroids. On the nearby Thai-Burma (Myanmar) border, the world's longest-running civil war, the Burmese-Karen conflict, rages into its 60th year. But Rambo, who lives a solitary, simple life playing online chess for hours has become a peaceful man who no longer fights even as nearby villages are being threatened by mercenaries and rebels. He just no longer cares and quite honestly that makes sense. I mean the guy had to at one time blow a stick out of his stomach with gun powder.
However, his peaceful existence changes when a group of human rights missionaries seek John Rambo's help. Rambo takes them as far as Burma, but refuses to join them. Why? The following film dialogue should sum that up for you:
John Rambo
Burma is a war zone.
Stupid Do-Gooder
It's more like genocide.
John Rambo
You bring any weapons?
Stupid Do-Gooder
Of course not.
John Rambo
You ain't changing nothing.
The missionaries don't return and no one is helping to locate them. It is at this point that Rambo tells himself "You know what you are, what you're made of. War is in your blood." He knows what he must do...and so do you. You must go to your local theater on January 25th, 2008 and pay $9 to see Rambo: To Hell and Back. If you don't then the terrorists have truly won.
This movie is rated R for strong graphic bloody violence, sexual assaults, grisly images and language. The trailers contain, in no particular order:
Rambo chopping a guy's head off
Rambo preventing a rape by ripping a guy's throat out
Rambo shooting a man until he ends up a bloody mess of pulp
Rambo disemboweling a man
Rambo pouring gasoline over a body and setting it on fire
Rambo shooting a man in the back of the head
Rambo shooting one bullet through 2 men
Rambo shooting a man with an arrow
Rambo head butting a guy
An arm being chopped off
A snake fight
A shrunken head on a stick
And, spoiler alert:
A lot of explosions.
Why so much violence? I believe John Rambo said it best when he said: "When you're pushed…killing's as easy as breathing."
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